Bleached Batman
by chalaess
Summary: Stephanie and Ranger got married. Randomly, she decides to do laundry. It turns out, she's not very good at it. One shot. It sorta sucks, but I hope it amuses you anyway


Disclaimer: I own nothing except the idea for this fanfic.

Also, about the laundry, I know very little about laundry. I don't know how bleach works very well. I don't even separate my lights from my darks, I just grab all my clothes and dump them in the washing machine. That's a demonstration of how little I know about laundry. So, if what happens in this couldn't actually happen with the amount of bleach Stephanie would use, and if it wouldn't, in fact, even happen with stain remover, I'm sorry. Just accept it, bitte.

And I apologize whenever they are OOC.

—

I looked down at the shirt in my hands in dismay. It was white. Now, this wouldn't be a problem except for two things. Firstly, when I put it into the washing machine, it was black. Second, it was Ranger's shirt, or rather, Ric's shirt, since that was what I called him now.

I looked into the dryer, hoping I was wrong. Nope. Everything was white. I'd just managed to completely change Ric's wardrobe.

A month ago, Ric and I got married. Three months before that, I'd realized I was completely in love with him and had called it quits with Joe. For real. Ric, of course, had known almost instantly and, the next day, had finally come out with it and informed me that he loved me. Now, he's said this before, but either he messed it up (by adding things like 'in my own way'), or I messed it up (by saying things like 'there are all kinds of love'). Contrary to his former statement, his love did come with a ring. Two, in fact: a diamond engagement ring and a gold wedding band two months later.

Since we got married, I've been trying to get Ella to let me do the laundry. Why, I don't know. I have no intention of turning into a housewife. It was just one of those things. The kind of thing that I wanted to do but had no clue why.

Now, looking at my handiwork, I severely regretted it.

I hadn't done laundry the entire week since Ella finally consented, and I'd realized that I needed to wash clothes today. So, grabbing all the clothes, I'd brought them to the laundry room which I'd discovered on the sixth floor (A/N: I don't remember what's on floor six, or if there was any mention of where a laundry room is, so sorry if this is incorrect), and loaded them into the washing machine. As I did so, I'd discovered quite a lot of blood on one of Ric's shirts. Now, if Ella had been doing laundry, she'd probably soak it in water for an hour, or whatever you're supposed to do for blood. I, however, just grabbed the container of stain remover and dumped some into the washing machine.

Big mistake.

I didn't read the label, so, now, I was surprised to discover that the stain remover contained a large amount of bleach. Hence, all of Ric's clothes were white. I somehow hadn't noticed when I moved everything into the dryer (I wasn't really paying any attention. My thoughts had been on Ric), but I definitely noticed now.

I dumped all the clothes back into the laundry basket for the return trip to the seventh floor apartment. The instant I walked in through the door, I heard the shower. Since Ric and I were the only people who used this shower, I knew who it was. Guess I'd have to tell Ric about his clothes sooner rather than later. I hesitated, though, and, as though on cue, the water turned off.

I took a deep breath and walked to, and then through, our bedroom door. Ric was standing with his hands on his hips, looking in the closet. A white towel was wrapped around his waist and, for the moment, I was completely distracted from the laundry problem.

Of course, he heard me come in, and he turned and looked over at me, smiling. He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me. As he kissed me, I, of course, kissed him back, and any thoughts of the laundry that had slipped back in disappeared. Actually, all thoughts in general disappeared. There are definitely some advantages to married life, such as being able to kiss Ric whenever I want.

He pulled back and smiled, but then he looked back at the closet and his smile faded slightly. I asked, "What is it?"

He turned his attention back to me as I asked the question. "I have no clothes." Then he noticed the laundry basket. "Is that clean?"

"Um…yes…but…well…" He'd started to reach around me for the laundry basket and I put a hand on his arm. "Ric, I…" He stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Well, you know how I asked Ella if I could do the laundry? Well, today I did it, and there was a bunch of blood on one of your shirts, so I used stain remover, but then it turns out it had a bunch of bleach in it. And so now all your clothes are white." I said it all in a rush. When I mentioned stain remover, I could see that he was starting to figure it out. I couldn't tell how he was feeling. Either amused or annoyed, I was guessing.

"Babe." He just shook his head and pulled the laundry basket to him. He looked in.

"Do you have any secret clothes in some hidden stash?"

He laughed. "No. And the clothes I was wearing have blood on them. A lot of blood." I'd decided a while ago not to ask where the blood came from. Generally, as long as it wasn't Ric's, I didn't want to know. He saw the question in my eyes and shook his head. "Not mine, Babe." He looked at the freshly washed and bleached clothes. The corners of his lips turned up. "Guess I can either go get skips naked or wear white." Even as he said it, he was pulling clothes out of the laundry basket.

The thought of him walking around Trenton naked had me all hot and flustered, so I was pretty distracted while he was dressing. I snapped out of it when he said, in a voice that was, once again, hard to tell if he was annoyed or amused (though it sounded pretty amused), "So, what do you think?"

What did I think? Wow. Ric in black was Batman. Ric in white was a gun wielding avenging angel.

Apparently, I said this out loud, because he chuckled, shaking his head. "I love you, Babe." I felt a smile spreading across my face and couldn't stop it. I had that reaction whenever he told me he loved me. He smiled back. "Ready?"

I nodded. I went into the kitchen and grabbed my gun. After he proposed, Ric had started training me. I was now in way better shape, could shoot very accurately, wasn't _as_ afraid to use my gun, and could do some hand to hand combat. Occasionally, Ric brought me with him when he went to get skips, sort of as an apprentice. Most of the time, though, I just got my own skips. After the Stiva incident, I'd gone back to bounty hunting, although I still occasionally ran searches for Rangeman when I didn't really feel like leaving the building, or getting dressed. I think the men were getting used to seeing me walk to my cubicle in pajamas by now.

Ric caught up with me and followed me to the elevator. Once he'd pushed the button that would bring us to the garage, he leaned against the back wall, looping his arms loosely around my waist. I leaned into him, smiling.

Just as the elevator started moving, Ric's phone rang. He answered it. "Yo." Small pause, during which I remembered that the elevator was monitored. "Stephanie did laundry." Another pause. "Yes, you still have to wear black." Another pause. In the reflection off the wall in front of me, I saw Ric smile. "Fine. If your girlfriend does your laundry and bleaches all of your clothes, you can wear white." The next thing was said in a tone that told me that he was interrupting whoever was on the phone. "No more what-ifs, Lester." Then he hung up. He smiled down at me and explained. "The control room was wondering about my attire."

I smiled, not really knowing what to say in response to that. The elevator stopped moving and the doors opened. Tank was walking towards the elevator from a black SUV but froze as he saw us coming out of the elevator.

He recovered quickly. "Did I miss the memo that changed the uniform?"

"Smartass. Stephanie did laundry."

Tank laughed, but gave me a look as though this explained everything. He shook his head and walked to the elevator, making no further comment.

I glared at Ric as we walked to the cars. "Do you have to tell everyone it is my fault?" This got an almost-smile, but no verbal response.

By now, we'd reached the cars. Ric went to his truck and I went to a black CR-V that I drove. As I climbed in, I asked, "Are you going to the office?" He nodded. "Ok. Love you, Ric."

We drove to the office, me in front. We both parked at the curb and I got out. I noticed that Ric stayed in his truck for a bit, but decided to ignore it. I went into the office. "Any skips for me?"

Connie nodded. "Yeah, here you g—" She stopped and both she and Lula were staring behind me. The folder that Connie had picked up slipped from her fingers. Since they never had quite this strong of a reaction to Ric's entrance into the room, I figured it was probably the fact that, other than his shoes, he was dressed all in pure, gleaming white.

I looked behind me and he gave me a smile. I returned it and he walked up behind me, placing a hand the back of my neck. "Any folders for me, Connie?" He spoke totally casually, as though his clothing was the same as any other day.

"Uh." Connie was still staring at him. I cleared my throat and she jumped. "Uh, right. Yes, you do." She got several folders and handed them to him, then picked up the folders she'd started to give to me, handing those to me.

Ric flipped through his and, apparently, found one that he thought I could handle, because he handed it to me. "Want him, Babe?"

I looked at it. Ralph Mason. Wanted for rape and assault. I thought for a moment, then nodded. "I'll try him."

Ric nodded, dropped a chaste (chaste for him. There was no tongue involved, but it definitely got a very sexual reaction from me) kiss on my lips, then turned for the door. "I'll see you tonight, Babe."

I nodded and he left. As soon as he was gone, Lula spoke. "Dang, girl! You have him dressed completely in a color other than black! What's up?"

I smiled sheepishly. "Actually, it was an accident." I explained, which got laughs from both of them.

Lula looked at the rings on my hand and shook her head. "I still can't believe you two are married. And now you have him dressed differently. Lots of weird changes around here."

I hadn't really expected too much of a reaction from everyone else about Ric's clothes (though I guess it makes sense), but clearly, it was a big deal, because when I brought Ralph Mason into the police station a few hours later (I was proud to say that, while he quite possibly had a broken nose thanks to his wandering hands while I was trying to explain that he needed to get rebonded, I was clean and not hurt at all), everyone looked up at me.

Carl walked to me. "Is white a color?"

I blinked. "Uh, what?" I walked my skip to the bench and then stood while the body receipt got filled out, returning my attention to Carl.

"I said that you'd have Ranger wearing a color other than black within a month and a half of the wedding. If white is a color, I just got a hundred bucks. But if it isn't, I don't get any money yet. I'm sure I'll win though, white isn't that far from other colors, so other colors are sure to follow."

When I was in kindergarten, we learned the colors, and that's when we learned white. That means that white is a color. I was about to say this, only without the kindergarten part, just saying that white was a color, when Carl grinned.

"See? Pay up!" I groaned. Apparently, I'd said this aloud. I rolled my eyes and snatched the body receipt, even as I saw Carl taking money from a cop I didn't know. I stalked out of the police station and saw Ric leaning against my car. The white contrasted so much with the car and him that for a second I just had to stop and stare.

He raised an eyebrow. I walked the rest of the way to him. He kissed me. When I'd recovered enough to think, I blurted out the question I'd been wondering about right before he kissed me. I hadn't even meant to say it. "_Is_ white a color?"

He laughed. "Babe."

A/N: Ok, sorry about that. It was just a random idea I had. However, I had no plot ideas and, as you no doubt saw, no good ideas for the ending. So, other than the fact that it was random and sort of sucky and the ending was horrible, I hope you liked it…


End file.
